Soon enough you’ll have a little piggy tail to match your sniffling snout, nose deep in the home-sty littered with the corpses of the unfortunate. The World Health Organization might as well boost its rating to a Level 6 pandemic because H1N1 is here, right now, in your town. I myself stocked up on Tamiflu years ago when the last ‘animal’s viral vengeance against man’ swept through; good luck, suckers.
But to be completely honest, you’re more likely to be trampled to death by a herd of flu-panicked hypochondriacs at the pharmacy than actually die from the Swine Flu. Since January of this year, the ‘regular’ flu has killed over 13,000 people in the United States (see http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/28/regular.flu/index.html). Influenza: 13,000. Swine Flu: 5. So why did I even bring this issue to your attention? Because its bullshit propagated by the news media to woo you. Totally unfair. I should have a free shot at warming your heart/loins with some Bush-era fear tactics too.
!!!!!!!!YOU’S GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!
Feeling erect and perky yet? My interest was peaked this week at the office water-cooler, that’s for certain. “Oh did you hear? SWINE FLU! Do you know anyone who’s been to Mexico? I think the janitor is a Mexican…” Everyone and their babies’ momma has ‘easy foam cleanser’ and anti-bacterial spray at their desks—as if such an effort will stand between them and the inevitable.
No one seems to remember the last 5 times prior when someone sick contaminated the entire workplace. Sure, wash your hands, Lysol your keyboard, avoid that pale, deathly looking dude the next cubicle down; what about that doorknob, the pop machine, the ‘close talker’… and that’s just work. What about your friends. Your family. TACO BELL? Yes. To the pharmacy. Tamiflu. Now.
Disease spreads. It spreads even easier these days because of the thorough integration of everyone and everything in our society. You may very well consider malignant microbes to be Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD). Some food for thought: Amongst many other methods of wreaking havoc, from suitcase nukes to chemical sprays to compromised-radiation bombs, the ‘suicide cougher’ is the cheapest, most effective, most clandestine method to spread death.
It’s easy: infect yourself with smallpox, get on a plane when you’ve rendered yourself contagious to the max, breathe a lot. The plane recycles the air, the other passengers breathe as well, get off the plane, frolic through the airport, disperse into the area, all the while not knowing the awful fate they’ve just assumed and spread to everyone in their lives. By the time the government or the CDC or whoever knows, it is simply too late to react. Pandemic. That’s basically how the Swine Flu got here: visitors to Mexico contracted the disease and returned to the U.S. Their symptoms rose weeks later, long after any effort to close the border could stop it.
How do you protect yourself from such malice?
WWJD? Shoot first, let God sort them out later.