Hold Your Tongue: A Call For Prudence

More often than not, on a regular, daily basis, I will find myself talking shit about someone I know. Golly, I cannot resist the chance to gossip, expounding upon every detail entrusted to me by an unsuspecting other. It’s a time honored tradition, especially amongst women. I’ve always wondered why I am friends with a sizable group of the same sex (30+ men), yet so very few females maintain large friend groups of the same sex (Maybe 5?).

Why can’t women stand each other? Because they talk shit about each other so often. Borderline non-stop. And what they don’t realize (or maybe they do actually), is that with a greater integration of individuals, whatever it is they said about person ‘B’ is going to be heard by person ‘B’.

Men must spend more time doing things than saying things. Its in our socialization. As youth we go out and compete amongst one another to flaunt our athleticism and determine who is best, while the girls talked. Or something like that. Men dealt with things honestly, directly; “Wow Jake, you really suck, don’t play with us anymore.” Women deal with things respectfully, indirectly, avoiding conflict until they can get behind closed doors; “See you tomorrow Sally!” [aside] “What a bitch.”

Is it dependency on others? Women are less physically capable to succeed than men, so they depend on the pooling of resources and labor that comes with a collective. I could see that, but then why would females so readily burn bridges by shit talking? Is this just a phenomenon among modern independent women? I have no idea. I should hedge my bets on the idea that they don’t realize that the gossip is going to come back at them. That’s a point duly taken; I probably dug a deep hole myself already.

I’ve had my fill with gossip; everyone is susceptible to its appeal. Truly a great bit of fun, but I can only imagine the bearing of bad fruit in the future.

I don’t think that I will ever know all that is said, and frankly, I really don’t care for it. There is a lesson to be learned though; gossiping about person ‘B’ is not going to make person ‘B’ think very highly of you for very long. Therefore, in order to maintain my valuable standing with my current friends, I vow to be critical of them to their faces, as opposed to gossiping about them later in supposed distant safety.

And yes, my adherence to that ideal will begin after this very period.•

jakefunc is a contributing writer of projectgroupthink.wordpress.com. Get instant updates for this blog via Twitter: PGTblog.



Filed under social commentary

2 responses to “Hold Your Tongue: A Call For Prudence

  1. kevinkmjr

    I have, for a long time, practiced telling people to their faces exactly what I think of them. My group of friends is smaller than most because of it, but my group of friends is also more solid than most because of it. I’m not shy, you do something that I don’t think is cool, I’ll let you know.

    Unfortunately, the work place requires more politics than the person life does, unless you don’t care about success. I am still considered to be one of the most up front people at my place of business, but I am respected for it. It’s a tight rope act at work, can’t step on the wrong toes in the wrong way.

    My opinion: speak your mind and let others deal with it.

  2. I’m not much of a gossiper or drama-whore. I take actions to reduce those things to a minimum in my life. This has meant leaving social groups and being “the bitch” in many situations since I refuse to play along. I find that if I cannot be honest with a person, then there is no point in pretending we have a friendship. Though I may not SAY “hey, I don’t like you,” my actions are clear enough. I am not rude, just distant, quiet and reserved.

    I prefer the company of open individuals regardless of gender. Though, in general, I often find it is easier for me to be in the company of men. My closest friends tend to be men or women that seem “more masculine.” I think when most people say that, they mean that those women are blunt, independent and strong-willed.

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