The Real World, or Whatever I Can Tell You.

Since I’ve been out of school and back in the “real world” I really haven’t noticed that much of a change. Sure, there are more babies, children, and families. But it’s actually not all that different. People still just want to have a good time, you still have to do the dishes, go grocery shopping, and somehow obtain money.

So last night, I went out to a new bar with my friends. I had a fun time. There was dancing, drinking, socializing, the usual. What has changed from OU has to be the smorgasbord of new, available, and wanting guys. The bar is bigger, there are more people, and everybody was an unfamiliar face. Yet, the guys were such huge horndogs. I was amazed. My friend and I were hit by three guys as soon as we were spotted at an empty table. Upon their leave, I asked one of him for his name.

“It’s Jordan.”
“Oh, nice to meet you. I’m Jade.” He turned away before even hearing my name, following his friends.

Earlier that night, as Dani and I were walking by ourselves into the bar, a guy who stood outside said, “Hey! Hey! Can I talk to you girls for a minute?”
“Umm… sure,” I mumbled, as we hurried inside. We never talked to the guy.

Later on, while we sat at our again-empty table, a group of about five guys grabbed the table beside us. They walked past us, staring and smiling awkwardly. Two of them tried to be sneaky and sat on the stools that accompanied our table. I had noticed one of them had been checking me out for some time across the room. He got up to play an electronic game of bowling, therefore, requiring that he stand beside me. After he solicited my general area for a good minute or so, he asked me.

“Hey can you bowl??”
“Uhhmm.. yeah!” I replied enthusiastically.
He asked that I bowl the next round on the virtual game, to which I gladly accepted. A free game is a free game. He flirted with me for a few minutes before deciding to run off with his friends as well. Disappointingly, he too, did not ask for my name. Throughout the night, Dani and I spotted him macking on several different girls. Tsk, tsk. Guys these days.

Perhaps it was the fact that Dani and I had arrived with our two male friends, and possibly, our group as a whole was the driving-away factor for those young men. There had to have been three times as many guys as there were girls in the large, wooden bar that was reminiscent of a ski lodge– deer heads on the walls and a dancing bear (no kidding).

The thing is, having been through college, high school, and everything in between– family vacations to populated cities, beaches, boardwalks– I’ve learned what a guy wants:

To Get Laid.

No guy walks into the bar thinking, “I hope I meet a really intellectual, smart woman tonight.” How many young men asked for my name? How many numbers did I give away? Zero (I’m not complaining). All I can say is, I’ve met better young men in Athens. I could at least go somewhere and the person would engage in a conversation, but maybe that’s just because they knew me. Either way, I’m tired of the charade. So they can dress up all nice and look good, and they’re clean and wearing a nice shirt. The truth is, guys are not really like that. When they’re with their friends, they’re talking about who they banged and giving away intimate details, or else they’re farting or talking about shitting. They put on this big facade when they’re out looking for girls. They try to say, with their appearance and demeanor: “I’m the whole package, baby.”

Well, news flash, they’re not. The whole package to me is a guy who is simply, himself. I’m not saying, don’t shower for five days and then go out. I’m just saying, don’t be afraid of who you are. Guys don’t have to impress girls. What radiates is a person who knows themselves. It’s so easy to tell who plays a part and who doesn’t.

Anyway, I miss all my guy friends in Athens. I kind of took for granted how respectful they are. They don’t try to get my attention from the doorway (unless I walk down south Court), and there’s no unwanted grinding on my ass (unless it’s international dance night). The guys I saw last night stuck together in packs, like a gang of dogs. It didn’t even look like they were approaching us, but rather, they were attacking the next available girls. And they couldn’t do it without their crew. I’m just not used to it. Do I really have to go through all these guys, and more, just to find the one that I want? This is horrible, annoying, and terrifying. I thought that college would be it for me in the weeding of guys, and I wished that it would be. Oh well… I guess this is the real world– a complete jolt from my comfortable little bubble in Athens.



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8 responses to “The Real World, or Whatever I Can Tell You.

  1. This is going to be a long response, because if there’s one thing I have experience in, it’s being frustrated by the caliber of individual I run into on the weekends.

    Believe it or not, men also avoid certain bars because we’re looking for intelligent people – even for a hook-up situation. This may sound odd, but let me explain.

    No matter how impressive a girl is, there is no way I’m going to fall for her on the first night. This may sound bitchy on my part, but it keeps me from A) getting hurt by a chick I don’t know well or B) losing her interest by being too attainable. However, there is nothing wrong with moseying on home for a good bowl and some solid conversation, along with whatever might or mightn’t happen – physicality is, depending on the girl and the night, not something I outright dismiss, but it’s not the only goal.

    Therefore, if I go home with a girl and nothing (or little) transpires of a phyiscal nature, I can still say I enjoyed my evening. Let’s assume, however, I lower my standards and take home a girl who is, shall we say, not particularly brilliant. If she wants to fool around, fine; unless she actually ends up digging me, in which case I have to let her down (philosophers do not do well in relationships with unintelligent people.) If she does not want to fool around, then I just wasted a whole evening (and probably a few bowls of pot) on a person that I, in all reality, have no desire to see again or even at that moment. If, however, I meet a girl of class and caliber, we may do nothing at all (from a sexual perspective), and still call the night a wild success.

    Damn, that was lengthy. Sorry for the rant.

    If you want to get attention from guys who are not douchebags, I recomend two things. Number one: do not bar it up in places where douche bags are wont to congregate. The CI? No thank you.

    Secondly, contrary to popular belief, women are allowed to approach men. Zero in on a target that might meet your standards, and remember that you’re an attractive and intelligent person – he should recognize that you’re choosing to associate with him, and if he’s not brain dead or asexual, at the very least smile and possibly offer you a drink.

    On a last note, I’m horribly amused by the way you describe watching these multifarious “players” do their thing. It’s tragically humbling to realize that, as a guy in a bar, pretty much my every move is transparent to female observers – I’ll think about that the next time I’m asking a girl to a beer or a game of pool.

    • “It’s tragically humbling to realize that, as a guy in a bar, pretty much my every move is transparent to female observers – I’ll think about that the next time I’m asking a girl to a beer or a game of pool.”

      heh. I thought that VH1 show (what was that called… “the pick-up artist”?) gave away all the moves. Seriously, it was quite entertaining to watch at times, even though I know many females despise it.

      But really, it is all about the delivery and intent behind it. So if the more sober of us can see that it is a friendly gesture without sexual expectation, then it’s all good, man.

  2. hellolion

    Hey! I only talk about shitting when it pertains to doing so at work, thank you very much!

  3. “How many young men asked for my name?”

    I generally find that, when approaching a lady, asking for her name gets the brakes started before the train leaves the station. L-A-M-E. She’d rather stare at the wall some more.

    Its more likely that I’ll get some attention talking loudly about a syphilis outbreak raging through the city. You could frankly care less what my fucking name is; what matters is that I have something interesting to talk about.

    These guys had nothing to say to you. Or they’re too afraid to say it. Or you’re reading the whole thing wrong and they had no interest in you, haha.

    Getting women to like you is pretty simple (yet socially unattainable for me for some reason): become a consistent social figure in their lives. They want someone to talk to them, not stare at them from across the room. Bridging the gap might be hard, and you’ll certainly strike out a number of times, but the mere thought of ‘potential sexual energy’ isn’t going to do it for her. Women find nothing attractive about slobby, I’m-sorry-I’m-alive types, who, to boot, are silent. Confidence is key. Just Do It™

    Brett, I found your response entirely absent of any anxiety about starting a conversation with a random woman. If you feel this sort of ease and control in social situations now, I cannot wait to see you work your game at a bar. And not on a crack whore.

    • Bars = Booty Calls

      I wouldn’t recommend going to a bar to meet a guy. That is, a guy you might actually want to date.

      I am fairly confident that I would likely never meet a female I can relate to in a bar. Bars are just mixes of people looking to binge drink and lay some pipe.

      I assume most females know that already. why they still go when most complain about guys being horny bastards beats me? I think they enjoy guys looking at them like prospective pieces of meat. Don’t lie. You know it’s true.

      You’re average Joe doesn’t walk into the bar looking for a martini and a long philosophical conversation. That would be great, and likely tickle the fancy of a few posters here, but that’s not reality, at least not in your run-of-the-mill bars (I recommend something more classy. That is if alcohol and class coexist). Most guys are looking to a.) get hammered and then b.) maybe find a lady friend to get cozy with.

      I go to bars to get “shitty” and converse with friends. It’s basically always been that way my whole life. Even prior to marriage. I lack what many call “game.” Even if I had this illustrious “game” and were not married I would still rather bs and converse with my friends. i like to sit back smoke cigarettes and talk about everything.

  4. I love hookah bars.

    You know how you always have those conversations when you smoke a cigarette. With a hookah it’s like having those conversations with a cigarette that takes 30 minutes to smoke.

  5. jadeamethystt

    I am pleased with the number of comments I received. Thank you all for your input and thoughtful observations.

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