Moving And Scott Hamilton

This past Friday I moved to Bowling Green to start my Master’s program study of Public Administration. It is, to say the least, a big change. I don’t know anyone, I don’t really know where anything is at, and I feel awkward on a daily basis. This change of faces and scenery is also an opportunity, however, to further my progress as a human being towards that inevitable point B.

Some of my friends remarked that my move was “a chance to reinvent” myself; I have to disagree with them. Not because they’re wrong—you can certainly reinvent yourself somewhere where you’re about as notorious as a circus flea—but because I don’t want to reinvent myself. I like who I am. I like who I know. Reinvention speaks to me of some kind of abandonment of my identity, my personality, whoever it is that I am that so dearly clings to this existence.

The problem of my past is the potential for success; there wasn’t any chance of me achieving that potential in Freedom Township USA. I’ve got great ideas for this world and I need a bully pulpit to project them from. I need eyes and more importantly ears waiting in anticipation to receive me. I need welcoming curiosity, not the hard dick and bad attitude of borderline-inbred numbskulls.

The university is one of the last places in this nation where intellectuals can express ideas freely. Yes, there are still constraints, but nowhere else can you find such a level of brainpower matched with open minds for progress. I may very well make my home at a university sometime in the future, assuming that a cat doesn’t catch my tongue at my upcoming first lecture (gulp).

Bowling Green was not my top choice; I was a top pick for them. I was one of hundreds who applied for a spot in their Political Science department as a Graduate Assistant. Credit was finally paid where it was always due. I’ve never been awarded a scholarship (or even a Student of the Month in high school, geeze).

Anyway, I live on 2nd St. South of 2nd is 5th. Yeah, 5th. And North of 2nd is Scott Hamilton. You read me right—Scott Hamilton. I had no idea who that was, but he most sure be something special.


Scott Scovell Motherfuckin' Hamilton. Golfing while skating. Sick.

I had to go do some registration stuff today, and I ended up speaking with some rather aged ladies about the peculiarly named street. Apparently Scott Hamiltion was raised in Bowling Green, fought off some crazy disease, and then went on to win 4 U.S. Championships and a Gold medal in the 1984 Winter Olympics. Now he does commentary on skating for ABC or some crap.

Believe me, my jaw was loose, my mouth a gaping hole of wonderment at the amazing feats of Scott Hamilton, and in that moment I realized that if I really, truly put my mind to it, I could accomplish anything. And have a street named after me. Maybe even in Bowling Green. I don’t even have to combat a freaky virus while I’m being ambitious. I only hope that you’re there, watching, waiting for the triumph of my ascension.

jakefunc is a contributing writer and editor of Get instant updates for this blog via Twitter: PGTblog.



Filed under social commentary

5 responses to “Moving And Scott Hamilton

  1. redpillneo

    Dude…even I got Student of the Month. You suck.

    Seriously, though, don’t think of it as “abandoning yourself” (though hopefully you’ve seen the pitfalls of the ego by now). Think of it as those dues having been paid, at long last. Savor the sweet taste of karma, bro – the universe remembered you.

    Oh, and I’m totally stealing your street sign.

    • jakefunc

      Yeah, I’m pretty sure you got it when you were raging straight F’s too. Ouch. Jk. Kindof.

      Not reinvention of the self, but a realization of the self. A move to greater realize myself.
      ^^Now that sounds like masturbation.

      Jake Shilling Ave. will probably cost the State of Ohio millions of dollars each year in sign replacements, hahaha

  2. What are you going to do with this masters once you complete it? I say you run for the district 14 seat in Ohio (if it’s still there after the census. ohio population is decreasing rapidly “dey took errr jebbbbbbs”).

  3. jakefunc

    I would like to work in the White House behind the scenes really.

    LaTourette has an impenetrable fortress in District 14. He’s quite the crafty Republican. I’d have to run as an Independent to woo the votes of diehard Democrat haters if I wanted any shot at winning. I’m pretty sure my forced relocation program to Ohio’s dying cities wouldn’t fly at all anyways…

    (thats my policy in response to the population loss. Ohio has an enormous infrastructure that few people use, and its draining the state of money)

  4. Maybe after the census they can do some crafty gerrymandering. With Ohio likely loosing an electoral vote in this upcoming census maybe they can wipe out district fourteen and combine it with some of the more liberal regions surrounding it.

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